11: The one about mental health
We're going deep in today's episode. We're talking about managing our mental health while running our businesses and managing life as mums to kids and furkids. We talk about the ways we try (emphasis on TRY) to manage mental health when we work remotely.
September is LipTember, fundraising for women's mental health, and in all of our solo episodes this month are talking about different aspects of it.
This convo was really cathartic for us; hope it helps you, too x
Number of fucks given in this episode: 35 (new PB)
Mentioned in this episode:
Donate to Juniper Road's LipTember fundraiser: https://www.liptember.com.au/emily-grover-christine-longworth
Episode transcript
Rah: Welcome to the fuck around and find out podcast. We're your hosts, Rah, Emily, and Christine. We're three women who have built and run our own businesses. And we're here to shoot the shit on everything about women in business and running our own businesses. Hello ladies. Hello. Hello. Hello. How are you feeling?
A bit fancy today. I'm feeling incredibly
fancy in a comfy uh, lounge.
Emily: It's a level of fancy
I'm not sure I'm comfortable in. I feel like I need to take my shoes off and fold into this lounge chair as I would normally do. I'm also missing hearing
Emily: my voice in my
Rah: head. It's a bit different now darls, we're hitting the big time.
I know, yeah. I'm feeling really,
really like I have my
Rah: Big girl pants. I know. Can you tell
Emily: everyone where we are?
Rah: Yes, we are at DM podcasts in the studio in Woolloomooloo, which lots of my favorite podcasts get recorded here. So this is very fucking cool. This is incredibly cool. And be sure to on YouTube to go on YouTube.
And anyone who's listening right now,
we have a full on rainbow behind us. Yeah. It is so cool. Lights. There's cameras. Yep. Yeah. At
Rah: some, like,
Emily: next level. Yeah. Very fucking cool. To the point where this will be an interesting conversation because we're so out of
Rah: sorts. Yeah. Because it's
Emily: so professional. It's ridiculous.
Rah: But, before we go any further, ladies, who the fuck are you?
Emily: Um, Chris is taking a selfie, which is hilarious that it's not me for once.
Rah: Yes, usually. So,
Emily: I could kick that one off. It's time for
Rah: someone to reference the one stop shop.
Emily: Ah, well, you already did, so, we're good. As she said. Um, I am Emily and you've all heard if you're listening and that what, who we are, we're Juniper Road, one half of Juniper Road.
Chris is my other half. We are operational support services. Uh, so we can help with anything from marketing, digital marketing, human resources, finance. And everything. I'm going to get Kristy going now because I suck at this. This is so bad.
Rah: One stop shop. That's all you need to say. Oh, that's what I was going to say, Roz.
You just stole my thunder.
Um, we're a one stop shop.
Rah: Yes.
Like Luberbill, but for businesses. Oh my God. I think we've just got our new tagline. Luberbill. Was there a song we made? Like roadside assistance? Absolutely. Do it. Roz. Yes.
Rah: Yes. Who the hell are you? Oh fuck. I don't know today. Who are you? CSI. Yes, now she know.
Well, so you're gonna keep thinking it's CSI, even though we have categorically told you it's not. Yes. Um, yeah, I'm me. I am my own business name and I do digital marketing and systems and websites and drink alcohol. It sounds like we are knocking over alcohol. It does, yes. I think we need some later. Yes.
Social media. Uh, I do podcast editing. And I take lots of selfies with Em, because that's what she's in the process of doing.
Emily: It's all about the gram, yo.
Rah: Yeah. Exactly. And, um, yeah, I work exclusively with women in business because women need all the support they can get. Oh God. Don't they just? They do. They do.
So what are we talking about today, ladies? We've got a nice, uh, Easy topic today, haven't we? ? Absolutely. Nice and lovely. Mental, baby. Polite. Yes. Mental health, yes.
We're gonna have a little bit of chat about mental health. You know, it's pretty important. It's pretty, um, it's pretty, oh god. I was gonna say on trend, but that sounds absolutely inappropriate.
Really, it's in the now, you know, it's very important that we all take care. Of our mental health, both in the workplace, in your business, in your personal life. Um, and you know, there's, uh, September's bringing up a couple of opportunities to be really thinking about mental health for yourself and for those around you.
Um, so yeah, that's what we thought we would have a little bit of a chat. So yes, just a little bit of light discussion
Rah: on a really
important Important topic is probably what the word I was actually looking for. Okay. Yeah. Good. Yeah. I'll let
Rah: it that in. Thank you.
Yeah. Thank you very much.
Rah: But also because we operate in very small or micro businesses or solo.
Yes. That's something that can be very difficult to maintain.
Emily: Yes. It's the nature of the world of which we come and the contracting consulting. The virtual assistant remote world is very isolated and very, um, very isolated and alone. And it really detrimentally affects your mental health.
Sure does.
There's something really good to say about the old water cooler conversation and check in, um, with a colleague. Yeah. Um, I'm in our workspace where we are in thrives. But doesn't have a water cooler per se, but it's got a kitchenette. So that's, you know, that's the new water cooler. And so you can potentially come across some people, not all the time.
Um, but yes, when you're at home and if you're lucky and you've got the cat. Or the dog to talk to. Hashtag Boral Officer. Absolutely. The Doctor of Wellbeing, or the Director of Wellbeing, for which Hurley is known in my home. Um, you know, important staff. But it's not the same, obviously. So, you know, there's steps that need to be taken.
They can't talk back and go,
Rah: yes, I'm here. They were an absolute bastard today. No, I know that guy, that client. Yeah.
And really sometimes these directors of wellbeing in our, in our offices, um, you know, kind of like a little bit selfish. So, you know, we need to take steps to put that aside and take care of ourselves.
Yeah.
Rah: Yes. And I think this will be coming up in an episode. We've got planned down the track, hashtag teaser. of the community. Especially when you're working. The importance of community. Yeah. Yeah. Very much so. Really, really much so. To replace that water cooler. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's an element. Yeah. What do you guys do to keep your shit together mentally?
Emily: There's a lot of things and I think, um, You know, self care comes into that a little bit as well, but she's also going to be another episode. I think the big part for Chris and I was having our own office space. We prioritize that this year is our business goal to have our own space where we can work together in, um, even though we're not particularly.
far located from one another, we would catch up over the internet a lot, but then we kept finding that every time we were physically in person for an event or a networking event or whatever it might be, we were trying to jam too much into one session because there was just so many ideas that were popping up.
And when you've had time to think about things and whatever, so we'd like have a car drive down. I remember beginning of this year, we were driving down from Newcastle and we completely changed the orientation of how we wanted to market our business. And it was like, we needed to have more time. in which we can collaborate properly.
So that was important for us. And also from an efficiency perspective too, but it means that we're more connected and not just sitting alone at home. Yeah. I think, I know Chris and I both haven't had the most supportive group of people around us when it comes to running our own business. Yeah. And that, that, that, that, that, is really hard and trying to push through that.
And it's the mental game that that plays on you when this is your blood, sweat and tears and everything you've got going into something that you're trying to make work. Have someone stand there and be like, well, just shut your business down. I'll just don't bother with it. Just what do you just go get a real
Rah: job.
And the number of times I've said, fuck those people. But even people who you might be surrounded by who fully support you. they might not necessarily fully understand where you're trying to go with it. And it's also people's
Emily: other experiences being that they might've had that aren't great that they're pushing on you.
Like they might've had a business that hasn't succeeded or they had to close it down or they couldn't get it past the point of profitability and they've decided, well, if I couldn't do it, therefore you can't do it. And without even consciously being aware that they've made that connection in their mind.
And then gone, Oh, well, just don't bother with it, you know? But it's the, it's the, and being unaware that how damaging those kinds of comments can be to people.
And so it's working out, you know, what is your, your self talk? around that to then put a boundary up. I call that my inner Donald Trump. Yeah. Yeah.
Because it's always negative. Yeah. And for Chris and
Emily: I, having the office space means that we don't have to sit in it. You know, we can go, we feel both so much more empowered being together and coming up with plans and having the execution go through. Like it is, it's a safe space for us both to be and kind of go.
We're fucking on it. Like this is what we're supposed to be doing. Like we know what we're doing and we, uh, you know, we, especially when you hit a hard rough patch, cause businesses come with rough patches,
Rah: you know, clients
Emily: come and go and we have one of our clients take a big hit, which then has, you know, had the ricochet effect of hitting us.
And it's that whole piece of. It's okay, like, we've got this, you can do this, and I feel like it comes, it's better when we, like, we were in the office yesterday when we got that, got an email, but I feel like it hits a bit different when it's, we're in the office together.
Oh, it certainly does, and so I really feel for, you know, we're really lucky.
We are, we're a duo, really fortunate. So we do, we do keep each other pumped up, um, and motivated. And it might be my turn today to keep M up, up, you know, and then, you know, Monday it'll be her turn to pump me up and vice versa and stuff. Um, so yeah, that's, so we are very fortunate and we recognize that, but like for yourself, rah.
You are Rah and you are your whole business and you're, you're doing this, you know, when we're not around, you're doing this on your own. So what's, what's your, what's one of the things that you do to keep you, keep you sane? Um, And keep you not feeling so, so alone. I mean, cause it can be very, very depressing.
Oh yeah.
Rah: It's a mix of things. You get a lot of different workspaces. Yeah. I've got, so I've been trialing different co working spaces still have the fantasy of the BHAG of having my own. Yep. Being around other people. So in lieu of having you guys to hang out with as much as I try and hang out with you guys.
But also I have my. What's the right way of saying it? Don't say it the right way. Yeah. Okay. Fuck it. I'm saying it the wrong way. I've got a massive ego. So I know that I'm good at what I do. Yes.
Emily: I love that about you though.
Rah: It's the best part. Um, and I'm to quote Hamilton, I am sensible enough of my own defects, which I realize is not actually just Hamilton, but anyway.
Um, but. Hashtag Hamilton. Yeah. Hashtag Hamilton. Um, hashtag back in Sydney. But I have enough self confidence in myself. Of course. That I've got the skills. So if there's anything to do with my skills, sure, they take hits. Absolutely. Like relationships have fallen through and it was a, you know, bit my fault, you know?
And then, so I wallow in that in those cases, I find sort of doing sort of more journaling type things in my iPad. Cause I don't have a remarkable. Well I do, but I'm not using it. I'm using my iPad. Yes. Um, I know, I've jumped ship. However, my iPad does do autocorrect in my own handwriting now. Nice. I've trained it.
And it finishes my words for me. I was showing it off this morning. That's pretty impressive. I will show you after the recording. Yeah. Yeah. I find, in lieu of having a colleague, I turn one of my notebooks in my iPad into a notebook. A journal, um, and that's something that I've really started doing in the last couple of months.
Another way I'm helping myself is I have a mindset coach. And so, um, Mel and I have been working together for two or three months now, and it's a 12 month plan. And even like the last time we caught up, we caught up, catch up about fortnightly at the moment. And already she's just like, you realize the shit you've done since we started working together?
And yeah, like, it's like I had a bit of a blank. 'cause you know, it was just like a realization of things that when we first started working together, the conference that we're putting on hadn't really been formed. It was like the early idea. Um, you know, and now look at us like we've got people coming, we've got venues, you know, we've got the plans for the, it's real Sophie Wall.
It's real baby. It is. Absolutely. And having that, um, sort of, sort of, it's like a running buddy. Yeah. You know, it's like these running groups that everyone's into now. Yeah. Um, but having someone who's running alongside me
absolutely. There's a lot of people that
Rah: have a
Emily: biz buddy.
Rah: Yeah. And so like, but also I've got you guys, like since meeting you guys on that fateful day in Chatswood last year, yeah, it's been a game changer.
Yeah. And there are other people who I've met through other networks. Um, so. The power of networking. Exactly. Which we'll talk about in another episode. Yeah. Um, but obviously, so meeting you guys. Through Sydney virtual assistants, through women with altitude, other people I've met through freelance jungle, which is another network.
Um, yeah, because I jockey between the term freelancer versus virtual assistant. Like it's that. You know, so you need to, it depends your audience, doesn't it? And what you're thinking here. Yeah. You just have to get in the weeds of it. That's the other thing. You just have to. Yep. Can I also just
Emily: put it out there though?
Like anyone that runs their own business is going to have a day where you're so far down in the dumps. And you want to throw the towel in and just go, fuck all this shit. I don't want to do this anymore. It's too hard. You know, we all have days like that. We all have weeks like that. We all have months like that.
You know, it's not, it's a very normal thing for business and it's a very hard thing. And that's where, you know, the community piece comes into play. And that's why we also, you know, have our podcast because it's part of the, conversation that we want to have. I will very happily put my hand up and say I've my like, especially this year, my mental health has been really fucked.
I'm very, very rocky and not great. And it's been a work in progress for me to just stay at like a base level. And like, that's not easy. And it's hard because, you know, I mean, again, the conversations Chris and I've been having the last day or two, I'm like, I'll just quit everything and work full time in my business.
That's great. You know, But I also didn't marry a millionaire and finances are a huge game changing piece for me and completely determined what I can and can't do. And then that leads to feelings of being trapped and not being able to do what I love and do fully and have to deal with bullshit that comes with other stuff.
Rah: Yeah. But it's the courage to have the mindset that you're working towards something. Yes. Which goes hand in hand with the mental, with the mental health. Yep. It's not a one fix. You're not ever going to be like this. It's going to, well, this is great for the audio version of the podcast, but you'll have your ebbs and your flows.
Totally. And
it's all working towards a piece and there's, you know, it's, it's two steps forward and sometimes one back and sometimes three back. But it, it essentially, it is all going in a forward direction. There's just some days that, Oh shit, I forgot. I feel I stumbled sideways today and everything. As they
Emily: say, the carousel keeps on turning.
And that's the same with life as it is with business. You know, Chris and I have managed to achieve significantly more than we ever expected in the almost two years we've been Juniper Road. And like, And I'm like, we, I would have just been happy to just be making some money. You know, we we've, but you've got, we've taken, but we've also chosen to take some risks and trust our guts and, you know, have a go and see what happens.
Rah: Yeah.
Emily: Um, and that's the important part. And I think. You're going to have blocks and barriers no matter where you are and what you do. People will never always agree with you. People will never think that what you're doing is the right thing, even though they don't get to have a say in that. But
Rah: trust your gut.
Emily: You have to.
Rah: Because you have to do a balance of all the people you get the opinions of for certain thing or of anything. If you go canvassing for opinions, And everyone has an opinion and you might not agree with it, but if you just use that to help make sure that you're making your own decision with the best knowledge.
Emily: And you don't want it to affect your self worth and your self value. And also, cause I know like I admire in you, your, What did you call it? My ego. Your ego. My massive ego. Yeah. Because I think like, you know, I, in the last few years have had a couple of circumstances which have really shook my own confidence in my own skill set and constantly make me second guess everything.
And you know, I'm kind of, and that, I find that happens more and more when my mental health isn't great. I will second guess everything I do. And I like, I love, Being around your energy of that, because it's like, I'll feed off that a little bit and be like, you can have it all, you can have it, because the
Rah: cats don't always want that energy that I take home.
But it's
Christine: also like, I know,
Emily: but it's, I think that's like important too, to be around people like that when you're not in a great place either, to try and help people. fill your cup back up. Yep. I think it's a, it's a really crappy thing. And I know Chris and I have a bit of a juggle sometimes too. It's crappy when we're both in a bad place at the same time, cause that's really hard.
But yeah, I mean, having each other to kind of. Pick it up when we need to is good But I know that like I feel like I'm the kind of human being that people feed a lot a lot of how I feel Mm hmm. So like what a lot of people have been around me been like, oh Listening to you get angry about something really kind of gave me that the oomph to go and do this or that Oh my
Rah: god yesterday.
You're like Oh, she was full on rage creating yesterday. And then we built two Squarespace websites in that time. I'm a mad, mad fucking rage person. I know. Yep. So I fed off that energy as well.
Emily: But I also worry, I worry that I, cause I know I'm rageful. I, I, I, I house a lot of anger, but I also worry that I can negatively influence people that way too.
Like I don't, like I worry that there's a fine line, but it's
Rah: not up to them. It's not up to you. Sorry. I know it's everyone interprets it in different, in their own way, but I say this is a recovering people pleaser. Yeah. Yeah. And I put it on me to make everyone else uncomfortable. Feel like they're okay with how I'm behaving and over years of therapy and years of, you know, fucked upbringing.
Yep. And just,
Rah: you know, finally at the age of 46 and a half, finally getting somewhere.
Yep.
Rah: I love that. I love that you just said, cause it's, it's my, it's my small way of telling myself that I'm still not old. Sometimes you just want to grow up what they say, whoever you're feeling, but sometimes that works backwards for girls or as Prince always says, actually age, not your shoe size.
I do the opposite. Yeah. I like that. I would rather act my
shoe size. I'm a wide eight. This
Christine: Oh my God, amazing. I love it. I have
Emily: a wide toe. Oh God. Chris has like a
Rah: wide 11, 12. Oh my God, I'm thinking of a 12 to be more comfortable. God, it's ridiculous. It's not about the size, it's the magic that you weave.
That is so true. And I'm going to take that and own that completely. So thinking about like, you know, yeah, we talked about the people in our lives, um, personally, work wise who might bring us down or who bump us up and hold us up and everything like that. I was thinking about a work practice that, um, can benefit mental health.
So, um, I've changed how I do something this week.
Emily: So proud of this. So proud.
Yes. And it's, it's actually had quite a monumental immediate. impact, like a positive impact. So I, I am traditionally a time blocker. So, you know, I've got a client who I need to complete X amount of work in X amount of hours across a week, somebody else to do that.
That I've got work I need to do for clients. And so for me, I've always been, uh, it's work, therefore it requires time. Therefore it needs to be in my diary, but then something comes up. So it could be the third podcast recording for the week or. Or, you know, I have to take Hurley to the vet. I've got to take Hurley somewhere.
And I do know, or, oh my God, I actually need to walk myself for mental health and physical health and all of that. Anyway, so this week. I cleared out my entire diary of time blocking and just left the stuff that was a commitment.
Rah: And how's that making you feel so far?
Immediately to look at my half empty Diary was so, just a weight lifted off me.
I was expecting it to be the opposite. Well, yes, I think there was that feel of panic of, I wasn't going to do this, do the work, but I tell you what, I did the work
Emily: and more. That's what I keep saying to Chris. Like she knows she's got, she knows what she needs to do. Like we know because we live and breathe it constantly.
Like it's not like it's like, Oh, I've got a whole client. Yeah. Yeah. She knows. Click up. Yeah. Absolutely. And I've got
heavily into some of that more as well. Got the tool. But my head said I needed to block it out in a diary because it's like, Oh yeah, no, I know you're going to give you two hours today. Now we'll move on to, you know, somebody else in your head is also then telling you that you haven't done it.
That is so true. And that's where the stress comes from. And, and the offshoot of that is that. I would get something in and go, Where the hell am I going to move this two hour work I need to do? Oh yeah, the night time's empty, isn't it? Have you done less work at night? Oh, I've done no work at night this week.
That's f ing great. Which is a miracle in itself. And I've been to bed by 10 o'clock, two nights in a row. I have the work is still there
Rah: till 1am. Yeah.
Like, and then she gets up at five. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm finding that hard to do, you know, I don't know how you do it. Uh, well, I can't do it before like six now, but anyway, but what I'm, but it's a work practice that has, I feel had quite an immediate positive, but huge positive.
I was, when you said
Rah: it to me, I was like, this is either going to go one or two ways. I wasn't sure which way I was going to go. I don't want to be the pessimist, but yeah,
I
Rah: really thought you were going
to be like, nah, can't do it. So what will be interesting is when I get to Sunday, because my big thing, I know it is my negative self talk thing that I'm, I'm hung up on and have been too long is to get to Sunday and I get to, I don't, I've always never worked.
On a Saturday. Right. That's family work, you know? Right. Yeah. Um, but on a Sunday I've always tried to start my working week to get ahead of the game.
Rah: Yep. It's the best feeling when you can wake up on Monday and know you've got those emails. Sometimes it is, and I like
drafting to delay send. I'm that person that wakes off on Monday and I sit there till like 10 o'clock being like, oh the fuck am I supposed to be doing right now?
I better sit down and work out my list together. Yeah. Well see. I'm the person who, but I didn't get to my desk till late. 'cause it life is busy. Yes. And I do actually wanna have a day rest sometimes. Um. And so I would get to work at 6 o'clock and then I'd be doing the midnight thing again to have my emails delays sent from 8 o'clock the following morning, but I'd still have the alarm go off at 6am.
So totally, I was totally fucking up my brain and my body and I have been, and I need to repair it big time. And I know that this is the start, but I just, you know, It's just interesting. Like, you know, anyone listening, like, has anybody made any changes in their work practice that has actually helped with their mental health?
Yeah. Um, because yeah, it's seriously has been a huge change. It was big, but it was a small change, but it's a big change. I was
Rah: comparing, you were asking the other day on our group chat. Yep. Um, who's, who else is trying something a bit different? And I was like, I'm using a new keyboard shortcut to audition.
Like. I suppose that's big for you though,
Emily: because that, that, uh, anything that improves your efficiency the slightest bit. Oh yeah. Is gold. Yeah. You know, exactly. And it clears your mental health. And for me, I've been trying to go for a walk every day. Yeah. Which has been great. Which yeah. And I feel better for it and I sleep better for it.
And
Rah: oh, fuck, really? Does that mean I have to start doing it? I mean, potentially sleep's pretty good for it. So as I walk, it's like the longest half an hour of my life. And as
Emily: I'm walking, I'm like, My legs hurt, this hurt, this hurt, I'm not good at like that kind of stuff. This is why I used to like going swimming
Rah: because I could, I'd focus on drown,
Emily: not drowning and then I couldn't think, yeah.
I'm um, forcing Chris to get her gym membership back so we can swim at least once a week because the gym's just around the corner from our house. It's not, it's not, it's not
really going to be a big force because, you know, I made a decision to drop it because I wasn't using it enough. And I don't like just, you know, opening my wallet and throwing out the virtual cash.
Kissing into the wind virtually. Uh, yeah. It is. So, but, but it hasn't been as a positive change because I'm not getting the exercise I need and swimming. I love swimming. Um, and swimming is just the best exercise, low impact, um, on this. So I did a walk
Emily: this week and cause I have my Apple watch during the fitness.
Um, by the time I got home, I For everyone listening, I'm still dealing with trying to get rid of pneumonia. So my breathing is not great. Um, and I'm coughing heaps, which puts more pressure on your heart when you can't breathe. My watch told me it came up with a health alert, poor cardio fitness. I was like, fuck it all.
I'm aware. I was like, yeah, I know this. Thanks. I just, You can't fucking breathe, but it's fine. But it's, you know, little things like that are so important because they're also endorphin boosting and they're just little changes to make it easier. And I think, you know, I feel like every year, everyone you ask has had like, Oh, it's been a fucking rough year.
Yeah. It's been happening since COVID. And I think it's amazing. It's amazed me how it hasn't changed. Like everyone's had something every year that's made it a really rough year. And you know, for me, my grandfather passed away over Easter and I know my mental health state is because of losing him. And like, it's something that I will take a long time to get back to not being shitty with.
But, and that's like been a fucking rough year because of that. Yeah. And it's just. Amazing. Like, and I'm the kind of person I bury my head in work. I don't openly show emotions very well. Um,
Rah: not noticed at all.
Emily: I'll be sarcastic and angry. It's not all you get out of me. Um, but I don't do the open emotions thing very well.
And, um, So I just bury my hair. I'm a massive avoider, so I will bury myself. That's why I fucking rage build websites in a day. Because I will just, that's my avoidance technique. But it's also like, it ricochet affects things because then it triggers me. I get very triggered with other things. And it's not always the best thing either.
But that's, and I had this like moment over my last weekend, surrounded by family, which, you know, everyone's got, Family shit, let's all be honest, and I was very much like not good and I kind of You know, it's that generational pace as well. We've all talked about before the generational trauma. And I kind of had that moment of looking at my daughter and being like, nah, it's got to stop.
Hey, like it's, this is just actually absolutely got to stop. And I need to get my shit together to stop it from, Being put on her. Yeah.
Christine: And
Emily: it's not like she does not deserve any of this. And I need to, I need to get my shit together. I need to get my head together. I need to get all of it together, but I also need to get myself physically together
Rah: and in a
Emily: position
Rah: that I can be better for them.
Absolutely. So your kids deserve better. You deserve better.
Emily: Yeah. But I've kind of written that off because I'm not going to get better. Like I know my issues that I have where my family trauma has come. It's not going to get fixed.
No. No, it's not. You will get benefit. And what we're turning better in, you know, I'm doing quote, you know, action here, better by doing better for your children.
And that will actually feed into you being better.
Rah: And it will
happen
Rah: without you even trying. Yeah. Sorry, this is actually turning into a therapy session. So, We're trying to connect the dots with what you guys are saying. So in terms of working on yourself, even if it's just little bits chipping away, like me being like this isn't, didn't happen naturally.
Up until even four years ago, I was not this person. Yeah.
Emily: Oh, I'm not anything in person. I was. I've come a very big way in my life. And most of the time I'm fine. And it's just the raw loss that's kind of fucked me, you know? And
Rah: also anger that you didn't get ex relationship. That looks as good as what other people have.
There's all of that. Oh, there's, there's,
Emily: there's lots of bits and pieces. And I have like, I, I say it tongue in cheek about having a lot of rage. I do have a lot of rage and I do have a lot of things that have caused a lot of that rage. And I have a lot of passive aggressive humans in my life that like to talk around the problem and completely ignore the elephant in
Rah: said room.
Surrounded by that, grew up around that. Yes,
Emily: and me too. And I fucking hate it. With a fiery passion. And so there's elements of that, that I know I need to do the work to let go of expectation in those relationships.
Rah: Well, the thing that I found really helpful is seeing all of that shit as like leaves on a crate and just, it just goes.
Yeah. An old
Emily: boss of mine said once we were talking about letting go of
Rah: it. It's still there. It's just down the stream. Yeah,
Emily: but it's, you know, and it's, it's stuff that I'm usually. Fine with, I'd like to think I'm fairly self aware and can pick up on that. And I'm, I know that. And I've also been training my husband to know that, like, you know, he, I love him.
But I've had to, I've been very, I've got, we're at the point where I'm very blunt being like, I'm not okay right now. I'm not going to be a nice person. Yep. Like I will, I'm very sorry. Cause I'm going to be a dickhead and I'll do my best to reign it in, but I need you to have patience with me. Yeah. And he's kind of like, Oh, whatever.
Yeah. So like we're at that point where that is quite nice, like it's also, you know, it's hard with the kids as well because it, I short, my fuse is short and then I get these cute little things. And, you know, Chris and I have a piece that we do for Juniper Road, which is our social awareness piece. And, um, It's also, so mental health is something that I have struggled with my entire life.
Definitely have anxiety, have definitely been on and off, medicated for depression and deal with it regularly. Anyone that has anything, which, let's be honest, everyone's got something right now, knows the game that that is. But so the month of September is when? Is September, which is women's mental health sport.
Ember being, it's all about, you know, show your support by wearing bright lipstick and raise awareness of the conversation about. Women's mental health. Not that mental health for everyone, men or women, is not important, but this is specifically about women's mental health. Chris and I and Juniper Road are a women led business, as you are a women led business.
And our podcast is obviously the women in business. So, you know, mental health is really important. So we thought this was a good timing to Conversation to talk about LipTember and um, the fact that Juniper Road has a fundraising page that we've got live. We're getting our team members, whoever would like to join it, join our team to help raise as much money as we can for LipTember.
And it's a good excuse to try some colourful lippy. Exactly. Exactly. And we're going to, we've been working on, I say this loosely because we haven't quite brainstormed it yet. We're about to start working on it. I
Rah: believe this is a brainstorming process. We're brainstorming progress. This is all part of the session.
Bits
Emily: and pieces that we run throughout the month to try and encourage. Um, conversation about that as well. So if anyone is interested, it's also tax write off able if you donate. We've got the links in the show
Rah: notes. Yeah. It's going to be
Emily: all over our website and stuff as well. So
Rah: to me, it's really solidified.
Like I knew this in the back of my mind, but this convo today is really solidified. The whole personal mental health is also work mental health. It's all in the same. Yeah. Because it
Emily: affects your ability to function.
Rah: Yep. Yep.
Emily: You know, I'll have days that, and bring up the best in your business. Yeah. And I've had days when I've worked for a corporate office where I haven't been physically sick, but the thought of doing anything or speaking to anyone makes me wanna, you know, oh
Christine: yeah.
Emily: Bury my head in the sand and just never come back out again. You know, it's really hard to get up and go into an office when you. The thought of, you know, showering, washing your hair is too much.
Christine: Yeah.
Emily: Like, it's a really hard thing and that might not have to do with work.
Rah: Yeah,
Emily: but it's not, and it's not to do with work, but it's just what's going on with your life.
And it's also the juggle, you know, like when you've got so much shit happening at home, it's really hard to not let it affect your ability to work.
Christine: Mm.
Emily: And like that's, And there's not enough allowance for that. I think in the workplaces, there's not enough allowance for people to just have a fucking mental health day and be allowed to do whatever the fuck you want to do on a mental health day.
Yep.
Rah: And also this is where people who are still employed in at least in a small business, they can access the EAP. So the employee assistance program.
Emily: And this is where we've spoken about. And I think our management leadership one we talked about was the transparency and communication when you manage people.
Christine: Yeah.
Emily: Just be real and like, understand that shit happens. People are allowed to have bad days. They're allowed to have good days. Yeah. You can't just turn it on and turn it off. No,
Christine: no.
Emily: And if you just can't do it. You can't do it. And if someone's got a lot of heavy stuff going on at home, work with them to find a way to make it work.
Don't just crucify the fuck out of them for being not okay.
Rah: Yeah, and this is what's always pissed me off about parents, because even though I'm not a parent, I know how fucking hard it is, that work is your second job. By the time you turn up to the office, you've already done hours
Christine: of work. Oh, that's exhausting, yeah.
Well, that was the thing. Like I used to, my alarm used to go off at a quarter past five to get ahead of the game and to be ready when I did have a corporate life. And even after all these years, um, owning my own business, um, I still need to be, you know, Responsible, even though Mr. 17 is quite obviously 17 and capable.
Um, but, uh, you know, yeah, it's, it's fucking bloody hard. I feel sometimes I struggle. So I've got to be very mindful of myself. Cause there is part of me that goes, I have to soldier on. I have to just get up and do it. Why can't you? I'm going to put a
Rah: link to a book in the show notes about the wife drought.
Oh, yes. Well, you know what? The, the, the, the stats do say that the happiest people on earth are married men. The un, the unhappiest. I don't know what the fuck is. The unhappiest people on earth are married women. The, um, and of course married men. Live longer than unmarried men and married women die before, uh, unmarried women, you know?
So,
Emily: um, the Fuck Around and Find Out podcast is now starting a woman's commune, where we're all going to live happily ever after and men can just go fuck off. So yes,
so yes. Registration's available in our website. That's right. Um, quick build a website. So yeah, so the whole thing about mental health and, um, is you've got to take, you've got to take care of your own mental health.
Own mental health, because you can't obviously for very obvious reasons, you need to, but you cannot, you've got to do your best not to impact on the others around you and impact on their mental health.
Rah: It's like the plain thing of the put the oxygen on yourself before you kid.
Emily: Absolutely. Well, you can't, if you can't function, what's the ricochet effect of everything around you that will fall from that?
Exactly. You know, and it's, it's Chris and I, again, back to the exercise part, we're talking about, you know, I really want to go and do. Pilates, because I really want to get, I need to get my cause fucked my, I want to stretch all of that stuff. It's going to be really good if I do it, but I've always been like, Oh God, I can't sacrifice that time on my calendar.
Rah: The way that you can probably like, I'm very, I'm very capable. My special skill really is turning something into being a positive, like make it work. Like, yeah. You want to smoke cigarettes? Yeah, great. Yeah. Let's not talk about the lung cancer. Let's talk about the dopamine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But. You will find doing the Pilates or going for the walk or getting back and doing laps at the pool.
You will be doing more when you're not there. Totally. Well, that
Emily: improves your efficiency because you've got the dopamine hit. You're also hopefully sleeping better, which means your quality is better. Excuse me while I write this down to remind
Rah: myself when I'm avoiding
going for a walk. Yeah, no. But it's also that thing about it just makes you feel better and be able to handle the shit that goes on every day.
And in for me, for example, if I've gone, I do know that I've gone for a walk. Um, and. I feel so much better that, yeah, I can come home and I can deal with, I mean, let's be honest, we walked
Emily: like from the car park up several thousand fucking stairs to get here. Wasn't that many? But yeah, I think that counts as like our exercise.
Oh yeah.
Rah: Excuse me. I'm recovering from a broken ankle. Let's just call that my exercise. That was a solid effort. Yeah. It's we're always going to be a work in progress.
Emily: It is. And I think, I mean, we will touch on more on the community pace, but I know that, like you said, It's the people around you that also really help and I know I'm one of those people that if I'm in a really filthy mood, I try to not be around people, but I, in reality, I actually need to be around people because when I finally do it or I can't, like, if I have a meeting that I can't just not do, I actually am better afterwards because it does help me shake it off a bit, but I also, because I worry that I'll, you know, Like, I used to always feel like, you know, in my house, if someone was in a bad mood, the rest of the house was dictated by that.
And I don't want to be that person. So I try to avoid people. Child of a
Rah: dysfunctional family, baby.
Emily: Yeah. And it's just like, it's funny, the people around you are really important. And I think it's also, especially when it comes to anxiety,
Rah: you know,
Emily: we were talking about a beautiful friend of ours today, how proud we were to see her.
Speak up in a public space
Rah: and
Emily: I feel like I'm so proud and just having a little cheerleader group behind you. Yeah, absolutely.
Rah: The whole community group having mates who you can talk to. Yeah, that's what this podcast is as well. It is. It really, really is. You know, we've been Like honestly, the conversations we have, fucking great, like, and I get to see you guys more.
But also,
Emily: we've had such beautiful messages that have come through as well, and, you know, I actually want to read one. Like, can we read one? So this is from a beautiful business called The Different Darling, wedding and events based up in Newcastle. So shout out. She basically just wanted to reach out to us and say that we Literally made her cry in a good way.
She was randomly Googling women's, um, business women's pop networking groups and stumbled across our event in September, which led her to the podcast. She binged all the episodes she could in the day. And then she said she left her feeling strong, capable, and reassured that she's still on the right track and that she's not alone.
And I think that's like, I read that and just was like, this is fucking why I wanted to do this. This is why
we are here and talking. You know? And there you go. If you try and plug some of that, oh yeah,
Emily: and just, you are not alone. Like everything you're going through, we've all been through, we've been getting a lot of those kinds of messages.
And I think that's really lovely. And it kind of makes it worth it. It's not
Rah: why we've done it, but it's definitely filling our cup. And I think that is a fucking stunning way. To end an episode. To finish an episode.
Absolutely, absolutely is. Always love
Rah: talking to you too. Me too. I like talking to you.
We're awesome. We are. Just quietly, it says my little ego coming out to play again. I know,
and we're in this gorgeous,
Rah: comfortable space today. We've even got the rug. We should probably thank
Emily: and shout out this beautiful location.
Rah: DM. Absolutely. And um, yeah, we'll put any links, all the stuff that we've talked about, we'll put links in the show notes.
And, um, yeah, we've got a link in the show notes now that you can send us a text, send us a message that'll come straight to us in the podcast. So if you've got anything you wanted to share, um, violent reactions or feelings or moments, yeah, we'd love to hear them cause I love a good violent reaction. Yes.
Oh, cause so many violent reactions. And, um, yeah. So thanks for joining us. Thank you ladies. Love your work. Thanks for listening. And we'll talk to you very, very soon. Peace out. Oh yeah. Okay. Bye.
